Another Birthday

As we approach my birthday weekend I feel like I'm in a funk. I should be at least a little excited, but in the back of my mind I keep thinking about my last birthday. I was turning 30 and Joel actually planned a nice dinner party with some of my favorite people to celebrate. I just remember not even wanting to celebrate because my birthday was the day I had planned to announce our pregnancy and the next "birthday" that was coming up. I don't think I ever even told Joel that those were my plans. After all, we only knew that I was pregnant for 11 short days before it ended. I can clearly recall being so excited about the pregnancy. We had been trying for what felt like SUCH a long time. It had been just a little less than a year at that point and the pregnancy came as such an unexpected joy and surprise.

This year as I sit here 35 weeks pregnant and turning 31, I am so thankful for the sweet little life that is growing inside me. I can't wait to meet him and I know without a doubt that if our other baby was here, I would not be having THIS child. With all of that being said, it's still a bittersweet feeling and a sadness that I wish I could completely forget.