Thursday, July 29, 2010

The "C" Word

CANCER.

My mom has just recently been diagnosed with breast cancer. I'm feeling really weird about it all. I just can't really get it to sink in, it's just too unreal.

Three weeks ago she told me she was going to have a biopsy on a lump she'd found. It's pretty big, about as big as a silver dollar. She'd already had ultrasounds on it and the doctor thought it was probably cancer. As she told me this through her tears, saying that she just wanted to see her grandchildren, I sat there calmly reassuring her that she would be fine, maybe they were wrong, atleast she was young with good insurance and besides breast cancer is pretty treatable. I felt bad afterwards. How could I not cry? How could I tell her all of that? She's my mom. I guess the shock of it all? I don't know.

Fast forward to last week Wednesday. The biopsy is over and the doctor called to let her know that it was definitely cancer. He wanted to get the actual pathology reports in before he met with her again, but since my dad is already scheduled for a hip replacement, he thought it would be fine for her to wait and have surgery in a month or two. She felt pretty good about that and was planning to just have a double mastectomy in a couple of months and move on with life.

Today she met with the doctor. The cancer (although he is unable to confirm the stage until after the surgery) is very aggressive and she needs to have surgery as soon as possible. After that, she'll need to meet with an oncologist and he felt pretty certain that chemo and/or radiation was in her future as well.

I'm freaked out. I just keep thinking about all the bad things that could happen - I can't even type most of them. How and what I'm going to tell the boys? What if this doesn't work out the way I want it to? And what if she's too sick to come to the hospital when the baby comes? What if she has no hair in her first photos with our new baby? What if she is well but her immune system is so suppressed that her doctor won't let her come to the hospital to see us? What if the boys don't get to spend any time with her this fall because they might give her germs? What if I get cancer?

This really can't be happening.

8 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry. There are no words. Sending you big hugs and prayers for your mom and family.

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  2. I hate to hear about your mom...my husband's mom was recently diagnosed with cancer also (colon). She had surgery to remove spots on her lung (it had already metastisized) a couple of weeks ago and will be having the tumor on the colon removed soon. I am saying a prayer for your whole family right now. P.S...thanks for your congratulatory comment on my blog!

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  3. Oh Bris....

    I know that there isn't a thing in the world that I can say that will make any of this better. All I can say is to trust in God. I love you, I pray for you all.

    Weslea

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  4. I love you! God has a wonderful way of working things out. He has control. And who better, right?

    xoxo,
    Mary

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  5. Bristelle,
    I stumbled upon your blog via Kristen's blog and am so sad to hear of your mom's recent diagnosis. I can not imagine all the other questions you have and I will certainly pray that you and your family are given peace and comfort over the next few months.

    Leslie

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  6. love to you and your mom!

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  7. Bristelle,

    I haven't checked your blog in quite a while, so I'm just now seeing this. I'm so sorry to hear about your mom. I will keep you guys in my prayers!

    Steph

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